The thing about moving on is that it’s hard. It’s not something that happens overnight, no matter how much you want it to. It’s something that takes time, patience, and willingness.
It takes undergoing frustrations and shedding a few tears. It takes friendships and feeling loved and so many other things.
For some people, getting over incidents is no big deal. They move on quickly and that’s okay. But for others, moving on isn’t just black and white. It’s an area filled with gray, stuck between letting go and holding on.
When do we finally let go? When do we say enough is enough? When do we stop wallowing in self-pity and start wallowing in our happiness? Matter of fact, when do we become happy again? Can we actually be happy again? So many questions and such little answers because only you can get the answers you deserve.
If it’s hard to determine where to begin and what to do afterward. Here are three steps you can take to help you move on with your life.
1. Undergo the Five Stage of Grief
There are five main stages of grief– denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Like everyone else, of course I denied it. I pretended nothing was wrong and went about my way. At least I tried to anyway. But deep down, there was a gnawing feeling that told me ignoring this problem wouldn’t make it go away. So then of course I became angry at the person who hurt me and who made me feel this way, angry at the fact that they would do this to me.
I was such an angry person, just mad at the world in general. I wanted to change my situation but didn’t know how. I skipped over the bargaining but I was saddened by the situation because I felt stuck.
Everyone was moving on with their lives and there I was in the midst of it, trying to be happy but failing miserably.
I was too busy throwing myself a pity party and drowning in my own sadness that it took me a while to realize what was going on.
Every emotion I had felt was leading up to me accepting the truth. I got so freaking tired of always feeling sorry for myself and I came to the conclusion that it was time for me to acknowledge the reality of the entire situation. Things would never be back to normal, it just wouldn’t happen. But I knew that I could make a new normal out of my current situation. It made me so much more appreciative and really opened my eyes.
Going through these stages made me realize you have to feel. You have to go through the motions and feel the pain, the sadness, the anger. Feel it all. These feelings won’t help you understand why you were in that situation, but it will help reveal who you are and who you really need in your life.
2. Don’t Rush
Don’t rush your grieving nor your moving on process. If you’re surrounded by people who are constantly telling you that what you’re going through is no big deal, especially when it is, get away from them.
Only you can determine how much time you need to grieve because only you truly know what you’re going through. Not the lady from the grocery store or the family friend, but you. Those are your emotions and you have every right to take your time in dealing with them.
If you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream, scream. If you need to throw things, throw things. Do what you need to in order for you to be able to move on. But you should never rush through your feelings. Remember that it’s a process and that in due time, it’ll work itself out. But for now, while it’s still in a tangled mess, take your time and breathe.
3. Find Some Support
Moving on is hard, but when you’re surrounded by people who won’t support you or who just don’t understand what you’re going through, it makes it even harder.
People who constantly bring you down even more and just bring on negativity are those that shouldn’t be in your life. If you feel as though they’re worsening your situation, then it’s most definitely time to separate from them. In order for you to rise, you can’t be around someone who’s always dragging you into the dumps.
Instead, find someone who brings positivity and is willing to support you through your ups and downs. Yeah, they might not understand what you’re going through because they haven’t experienced it firsthand, but if they’re willing to be there in your time of need, that’s what matters most.
Talk it out with someone you trust and let them listen to your side of the story. Let them comfort you and be your shoulder to cry on. It might not seem to make a difference now, but knowing you’re not alone can really help make a difference in your moving on process
In the end, realize that moving on is something that happens in due time. You can’t force it nor can you rush. And only you will know when you’re truly ready. Give yourself some time to grieve, cry, scream, and just go through the motions. Find someone who will understand this and will be willing to support you in your toughest times.
Remember that, it hurts now but just like a wave, it will soon pass. You will be able to move on. But in order for you to do so, you must first go through the pain. Going through this and taking these steps will help you become a stronger, better person.
Take this as a chance to learn from the mistakes of the past and to make sure they’re never repeated. This won’t be you forever and you will overcome it, but for now just take your time.
What have you done to move on with your life?